Why is it that my brothers are so dumb?... Well I guess thats partly my fault in various ways. Either ways, they had been sick for some time and my mom had been taking care of them till she became sick as well. Seems like some sort of stomach virus or something. Either ways, I'm probably next (which would suck because I've been actually been getting plenty of hours this month) and when that day comes, it will be a pretty messed up day for me.

I wonder if there is a woman out there for me... With the way I am, probably not.

The weather has been cold, which is sort of nice. And now I have a scarf. It's a woman's since I couldn't find one in the men's department but no one would really know unless they looked at the tag or had the exact one themselves. Plus I really don't care so long as it did the job. But man do I blush a little bit if and when someone figures it out.

I'm not so fond with going to work lately. Maybe the people there are becoming more like a family. Which means I sort of don't want to spend too much time with them. The more I learn about their lives the harder it is for me to keep my mouth shut in various occasions be they good or bad. Boy do I miss the days when I could just sit in the room and not care about who is in the room with me.

And now I'm back. It's been at least 4 weeks if not more.

Plenty of problems have happened and I've even hurt a favorite co-worker's feelings. Even though I didn't meant or wanted to. Either ways, if I get fired over this it's going to be pretty much an end note. If she treats me like dung... well I won't blame her, but that won't keep me from feeling as if shes being very childish about the matter. She misunderstood our conversation and ended up pretending on being the bigger person.

I guess I'm having even more trouble getting along with others due to my inability willingly lie for the sake of others. In other words fib around a bit.

I updated a few things on my computer while I had buy another power supply after having it for ONLY 3 MONTHS! I even got a new monitor. Yup, now using HD (I think) and the screen is bigger, so now I had to clean my room by... a LOT! Still have a couple of hours of work to do on the room. But I needed to see if my computer would work correctly.

The new vision will take a while to get used to. But this is still sort of cool to see my room in a much better state.

Hi to all and I'm hoping everyone is doing better to me. Especially my friends... which I'm slowly wanting to think of others as friends now. Mainly because I can't help buy worry even more for their happiness as my own sort of becomes more schizophrenic.

Now to find a good game of scrabble.

Yes, another one, on the other half of that same toenail... TT_TT

Now I have to decide to go to the minor emergency or something to get it out or wait till Monday to go back to my family doctor and say "Your idea didn't work and now it's pretty darn infected... probably worse than the other one."

I had went Thursday when it was bothering me in the first place to see if she could take the other one out. However she was in a hurry to get to an appointment and ended up giving me Anti-fungal medicine and said that the anti-infection meds that she had given me before were going to protect me from this one or something. The problem with that is that I took the meds for only 5 days and thats all I had... and now it's day 8 or 9. So I would figure that the medicine wouldn't be actually working. But then again I'm not a doctor and my foot with the way it looks is telling me otherwise. I worked Friday afternoon and missed my chance to go then. I had told her that my work doesn't allow slippers and she told me to get bigger shoes. Which I got bigger ones than I had. But... I guess not big enough or something. Idk... It sounded too iffey when she said something about the fungus meds softening the toe and keeping it from gutting me or something...

I'm not too sure why she wanted me to do this. Maybe shes just tired of seeing me. I get pretty worried about the littlest things and end up going to her about it. But that's mainly because I've never really been to doctors and every time I get sick my family mostly tells me to take it like a man or something like that. So I can't help but go to the other extreme. I didn't even know I had IBS, I thought I was just a bit lactose intolerant. And I never really knew what an allergy was till maybe a year ago. I don't have asthma like most of my family... yet. So overall I go to make sure that somethings bothering me doesn't end up being a huge problem.

Anyways, as far as it goes with me being able to tell whats wrong with my body, I really don't know how I feel. I feel pain, but that's been happening me so constantly all throughout the past 2 weeks that I'm sort of used to it to a certain extent. An itch at this point it time scares me because it might mean that I have poison ivy again or something worse. And I no longer have any idea on how I should be taking care of myself food wise or health wise. It's come to a point where even looking at some foods make me feel sick to the stomach. Guess I have a psyche thing on that end.

I wasn't supposed to see her till Thursday of next week. She wanted me on those anti-fungal pills till then. But I think at the rate my toe nail has successfully gutted my skin and puss is building up I probably should either see her on Monday or go to the minor emergency tomorrow.

I guess not many people will be reading this, or will have any suggestions. I could try to mess with it, but my family doctor told me not to do that. Still can't figure out what exactly the doctor was thinking. I can see some reasons, but at the same time it just didn't fit. So... Here's to gangrene and any other weird type of weird infection not exactly likely but still possible to happen to me due to my unlucky streak of getting physically sick.

I really am turning out to be the perfect example of the boy who cried wolf. Maybe this time he'll finally finish me off.

This journal will probably be changed tomorrow depending on where I am and how my toe is feeling.

Okay, now that the title probably steered most who wouldn't want to hear about such a subject, I can now freely believe that my life likes to go on a downward spiral as I'm reminded of my past mistakes of listening to my family and not believing and being able to take care of myself.

So, I had an ingrown toenail taken out yesterday (wed) at my family doctor because it wasn't getting any better when I had a member of my family take it out. The family member did a pretty decent job. It's just that because my toe had been squashed many times in the past and present, and the fact that my families advice of getting rid of athletes foot in the past were terrible, the doctor had to cut about half of my toenail just to make sure that it was gone. OH, and that toe was so bad that it had gotten infected. The rest that the doctor had taken out was sort of the rest that was just growing weird. Hence my past mistakes.

I have antibiotics but no pain medicine. I've been taking over the counter cheap ibuprofen and store brand extra strength tylenol (not the same time, just one pain killer than the other 6 hours later) as the assistant had told me to do. Sadly though I had taken a three hour nap or more yesterday during the day, plus the pain that my toe is causing me has kept me up all night. This is the second time that I've stayed up all night due to the pain and taking a nap during the day.

I really don't have the money at the moment to pay them because of past events. I'm still going to try and give at least enough to where I'll only have money for just in case I need to buy food. Going back today to get my toe cleaned. Which the stuff they used makes my toe to have the appearance as though it were dead. Soo... that was a little funny.

Total bill should be over 300 dollars. Which I thought was a bit much until I saw how much trouble they go through just make it as painless as a family doctor could do. I mean, she cut my toe nail OFF and I didn't even feel it! And the only pain was when they had injected me with the anesthesia and for almost the rest of the day my toe was so numb I was feeling pretty relieved... until night fell and I found out that the tylenol that we had was out of date by 8 months or so. So I had to get up around the time the pain was coming back and went with my mom to the store to buy something that wasn't out of date. Though why she bought extra strength seems a bit odd. I'll have to ask about that when I get to the doctor today.

Yesterday was the first day I actually spent more time off my foot with it elevated than the past couple of days that I was trying to stay off it. Either ways, hopefully I don't end up more sick than what they're saying. I'm tired of getting sick just about every 1-2 weeks and soon after I'm done with another thing. It'd be nice if I could get my life back together, but that doesn't seem possible. And my family is becoming more irritable to my whining and bad jokes. My brothers have pretty much given up on me and... well overall my entire family is fed up with who I am now. Sometimes they joke about it, other times they complain about it because of how much of a burden or inconvenience I've become to them. I'm sort of tired of asking for help to where it's affecting my best judgment nowadays.

Due to this event, I would figure that my work will probably be thinking of firing me... if not I'll be in deep trouble given my past "minor" medical problems... sucks how all of my hours and money I could have made this week can't be made due to my past choices and mistakes. Whats even worse is how my work doesn't accept doctors notes at all. Only physical capacity forms. Which I think if I can I'll swing by and grab one just in case.

I've had to delete my cookies in order for me to log into deviant art... soo what I'm wonder is why is this happening? I'm able to log into other sites, it seems that the problem is one part deviantart, one part whatever else it is.

Soo... whats up that?

And I sort of don't like the new updated firefox, it's missing one or two things that I liked. So at this moment I feel sort of naked without them.